Happy Place

For a time in college I suffered from depression; I want to say a good year to year and a half. I remember it to be one of the more uncomfortable and heart wrenching periods of my life that involved a lot of sleeping, crying and phone calls to my mother about how unfair life was. It’s particularly interesting that now, 5-6 years later, I look back at that time with a fondness that can’t be explained. I was so young and vulnerable (even though I didn’t feel it at the time…I was old damnit!); my older, more mature and slightly wiser self wishes to reach back and hug that person that was so desperately in need of counsel.

I eventually got over it through perseverance, a new positive outlook on life and copious amounts of mood enhancing drugs. Ah yes…with one daily pop of a pill my entire paradigm on life morphed in to a slightly disturbing enthusiastic one. I went from a, “fuck this shit, leave me alone you assholes,” attitude to a, “let’s skip rope and pick sunflowers,” mindset in about 2 days flat. I’d like to think that it was all that hard work I put in to myself; all that power of positive thinking and self love. However, I do wonder what would have happened had I not chosen to go down the slippery anti-depressant slope. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking drugs if you need them. They changed my life and for the better. I am of the mindset, though, that they should be used sparingly.

I admire people who can fend this demon off on their own. It takes a lot of strength and sorting out of issues. You’re forced to be completely honest with yourself about why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling and then must go forth and FACE IT; head butt those bastard issues in to submission. There’s nothing more uncomfortable.

Somebody who is very dear to my heart has recently confided in me that they are feeling depressed, which got me thinking about strategies and options. I wonder which the better route is. Clearly there are benefits to both: drugs, equals speedy recovery, equals happy person; no drugs equals self exploration, long term healing and eventual happy person. I suppose it depends on how depressed the individual is and of course, how comfortable they are with being in a Prozac induced haze.

I’d like to think that if I could go back and do it all over again that I would opt out of the drug route and really focus on getting to the root of the problem. I probably wouldn’t be the worrying mess that I am today! Then again, all my experiences and issues have made me who I am in this moment and regardless of what road this dear friend decides to take, all signs will point to the future.